Nov 27 2007
To Grandmother’s house we go
Tonight, Zoe and I went with my aunt to visit my grandma. She’s in a nursing home about 8 minutes from our house and has been declining rapidly since she moved there about a year ago. She’s got Alzheimer’s but isn’t bad enough yet to be in the Alzheimer’s wing at the nursing home. In the last month, there have been several times when she wasn’t eating and spent much of the day in bed. She’s requested no feeding or hydration in her living will so if she stops eating and drinking she’ll go quickly.
It’s been difficult to watch the decline in her mental faculties and her ability to communicate over the last 10 years. We’re at the point where we’re only visiting the body of my grandmother but she’s vacated the premises. I can’t imagine how my mom and aunt must feel as they make their visits to see their mom who doesn’t even seem to know them any longer. She seems to know that we “belong” to her, but names are long gone.
The one thing that she does love is children. She can “talk” to them and it doesn’t matter if it makes sense. They laugh and smile and are happy for the attention. It’s rewarding to take my kids to visit great-grandma because I see joy in her eyes. For years she hasn’t been self-conscious about talking to them or forgetting what she was saying when the great-grandchildren come to visit. Tonight she seemed surprised to see us but she was thrilled to see Miss Zoe. She held her two different times and Zoe loved the attention and Grandma loved the smiling baby boy (my son was the first great-grandchild and at this point all of the great-grandchildren are boys to her—even in pink or in a dress, they’re boys.)
It’s hard to go see Grandma but the rewards for her and for my kids are great, so we’ll make those tough visits for as long as we can. I don’t want to take AJ if she’s having a bad day, but Zoe won’t be traumatized or remember the visits, so it’s okay to take her and to perk Grandma up for a little bit. It does her a world of good and I’m all for that.
That’s very sweet! It’s a great experience for all, although tinged with saddness for sure.
Yes, it’s tough (and yet good) to go and visit her. I’ve offered to go with my aunt once a week while my mom’s away in Florida (she’s a snowbird). It’s hard to go and visit alone because Grandma really can’t talk to us anymore and you can see the frustration in her eyes when she does attempt to say something. If two people go, at least we can have a conversation and Grandma can watch and I hope feel connected for a while.